Cancer’s flight could be canceled permanently…

💊 Travel hiccups for cancer. Cancer, your days are officially numbered.

Last week, scientists at City of Hope, a leading cancer research organization, announced they’ve developed a pill that uses targeted chemotherapy to kill tumors. By targeting a specific protein, scientists are effectively trying to create “a snowstorm that closes a key airline hub, shutting down all flights in and out only in planes carrying cancer cells.”

Finally, flight cancelations worth rejoicing about. Cancer cells will not be receiving a voucher for a hotel stay, a future upgrade, or a meal stipend. The City of Hope team will be providing just about the crappiest customer service imaginable to cancer cells. Worst airline customer service since:

All remaining rows, please. All remaining rows.

In preclinical research, the pill has been shown to be effective in the treatment of brain, breast, cervical, lung, ovarian, prostate, and skin cancers. Next stage: further human clinical trials.

Separately, at Yale, researchers have discovered a method to reduce the contamination of healthy cells experienced when fighting cancer cells using CAR T-Cell therapy. This advance could render the body more capable of fighting potential recurrences of cancer.

Put in other terms: cancer’s chances of eventually booking a different outbound flight are also set to be reduced dramatically. It’s about to spend more time in the airport than Tom Hanks in The Terminal.

Truly thrilling news.

🪨 Far from the Rock bottom. UFC fighter Themba Gorimbo was sleeping on a couch in the gym. He walked into his most recent fight with $7 in his bank account.

He won that fight at UFC 73, and you know what his next move was? Not finding somewhere to live. Certainly not buying anything flashy. No, instead, Gorimbo raised money to build a water well in his native village in Zimbabwe.

Totally selfless.

The commitment to his craft and the ongoing generosity were enough to make The Rock take notice. The football-player-turned-wrestler-turned-actor-turned-businessman surprised Gorimbo at the gym…and brought him to his new house in Miami, fully paid for by the global superstar.

With the funds he might’ve used for a place to live, Gorimbo will continue to support efforts to improve the quality of life in his village. The winner AND NEW people’s champion of the wooooorld, Themba Gorimbo!

💰 Miss Americana is no Mr. Scrooge. They listened to the full Eras Tour setlist at least 52 times. Their reward for the Fearless act? $55 million in aggregate.

That’s one way to ensure there won’t be any Bad Blood.

Taylor Swift has developed a Reputation as a one woman engine of economic growth over the last few months. It’s awesome, though, that more than anyone, she knows All Too Well it’s not a one woman show in the slightest. She recently paid bonuses totaling $55 million to all those who worked on the tour here in the US, with reports that individual bonuses to truckers amounted to as much as $100,000.

Hundreds of people have worked tirelessly for months to deliver one of the most memorable and in demand concert-going experiences in history. It’s amazing to see them recognized and rewarded generously for bringing the Wildest Dreams to life. It’s a lesson that managers across corporate America could learn a great deal from.

These bonuses accompany Swift’s philanthropic efforts in donating to food banks nationwide, which we detailed a few weeks ago. The superstar also shared a heartwarming moment with Bianka Bryant, daughter of the late Kobe Bryant, at a recent show in L.A.

Anybody who can seamlessly transition from tear-jerking hug to ironic kick-line is alright in our books.

👂 What did you just say? If you’ve ever gone out to dinner with aging parents, had to repeat yourself 3-4 times so they could hear you, and then got asked why you were raising your voice, this one’s for you.

University of Virginia researchers have discovered a process that could see auditory hair cells rejuvenate themselves. Over time, these cells are lost for many reasons, from aging to exposure to loud noises. Don’t be too hard on your parents - I’m sure they had as good a time seeing Grateful Dead as you did at the Eras Tour.

The UVA team has identified a protein that can repair these cells, which could eventually be used in hearing loss treatments. In the meantime, Costco delivers a killer deal on hearing aids; seriously, is there anything that place can’t do?! Grab a $2 slice of pizza and restore your hearing, all in one bulk-sized trip.

If this UVA discovery materializes as hoped, it could mean the end of dinner table repetition turned unintentional shouting match.

-I think I’m going to get the chicken parm.

-What?!

-I think I’ll order the chicken parm for dinner.

-Huh?! Something about checking an alarm?

-I THINK I’M GOING TO ORDER THE CHICKEN PARM FOR DINNER.

-Oh….well you don’t sound very happy about it.

🚗 Amazing attention to detail. There are plenty of unproductive ways to spend the summer before your senior year of high school. Some will chase access to beers and work a job to pay for those illicit beers. Less mischievously, others will work jobs to help pay for college. The less motivated might waste their days sleeping in, doomscrolling, and playing video games.

Turns out for some, it’s also not a bad time to make a difference.

In Peabody, Massachusetts, Kevin Winschel felt a call to make an impact. Kevin interns at a group home and volunteers at Mass General Hospital, but as if that wasn’t enough, he’s also washing and detailing cars all summer long. He’s not doing it to line his own pockets, though. He’s diverting those funds straight to the community, raising money to convert an aging playground into one welcoming to children with disabilities.

Through half the summer, he had already raised over $3,000. The cars of Peabody will be looking pristine, and the town will have a new gathering ground for all…thanks to Kevin. Kid’s college application is going to be absolutely STACKED, and yet, you get the sense that’s not at all why he does any of it.

Winschel 2024.

On this day in history 26 years ago, one million people attended a concert in Central Park.

Country singer Garth Brooks was nervous that attendance would be disappointing. The media speculated it would be. And hey, when has the media ever gotten anything wrong?!

Joined at times by Billy Joel and Don MacLean, Brooks played to the largest concert crowd in history. “Garthstock” is now the stuff of legend.

The best part? There are no major horror stories from that night. It’s mostly tales of camaraderie and good spirits. One million people belting “Friends in Low Places”. Can you imagine? Contrary to popular belief, that song is NOT about the rats on the New York City Subway.

Perhaps it was here that your parents irreversibly damaged their auditory cells. Worth it.

Jumping into water to save a child when you yourself cannot swim requires a special kind of bravery.

Pedro Sanchez of Tulare, California possesses just that kind of bravery, as he witnessed a 9 year old girl with special needs running across the road, into traffic, and into a canal. With no hesitation, he jumped in to help, holding on to the near submerged child against the fast-moving water until police officers arrived on the scene to help.

It’s the riskiest move involving someone who can’t swim and a body of water since Squints Palledorous jumped off the diving board to get Wendy Peffercorn’s attention.

Daring as that was, Pedro was armed with more admirable purpose.

🥜 Are you nuts?! Look, we all have our talents in life. And when you find yours, you’d be nuts not to pursue it. At least, that’s the way Nareen Kumar feels.

The 27 year old martial artist recently reclaimed the world record for the most walnuts cracked with the head in one minute. He cracked 273 walnuts, smashing ‘em with his dome at a rate of 4.5 per second.

Kumar has been battling over this record with Muhammad Rashid since 2014, with ownership going back and forth for nearly a decade. You can’t slack on your cranial nut-cracking training regimen when you know your foe is out there, just dying to erase you from the Guinness World Record books.

These dudes bleed from the head more than most boxers, but the game is the game. Hopefully your talent is a little less blood and concussion inducing, and hopefully you pursue it with the same wildly nuts sense of dedication.

🏃‍♀️Life ain’t a track meet, it’s a marathon. It’s been a long seven month wait for her world record to be ratified, but when you’re 92 years old, what’s another seven months?!

In December 2022, Mathea Allansmith became the oldest woman in history to complete a marathon, crossing the finish line in Honolulu after eleven grueling hours and nineteen brutal minutes. Allansmith has a passion for movement and exercise (clearly), and sees “the direct connection between moving and health.”

If Mathea can get out there, run 36 miles per week, and conquer the fabled marathon distance, surely it’s not too late for you to get off the couch and get moving in whatever capacity you want. Then again, if we make it to 92, our hobbies will surely be of a tamer variety: falling asleep watching golf, figuring out what sweater to wear, and doomscrolling old Tik Toks. Ah, memories.

⚾️ Best Bieber since Justin. Picture this: you’re a young kid playing some wiffleball with your neighborhood friends on a summer night. You emulate your favorite MLB pitcher on the mound….and then that pitcher shows up to join the game.

What sounds like a daydream was a reality last week, as Cleveland Guardians pitcher Shane Bieber was driving home when he passed the game and decided to join.

Not pictured: Bieber absolutely mowing the kids down with high cheese and vicious sliders. Ring ‘em up!

🏈 It’s comeback season. NFL training camp is a time of new beginnings. For a player that was borderline dead on the field just a few short months ago, that new beginning must feel like an immense blessing. In fact, all of us will count ourselves fortunate to see Damar Hamlin back on the field picking off passes.

To have the courage to even put the pads back on for full contact after what happened to him is unbelievable. It’s like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when Paul Rudd’s Kunu asks Jason Segal’s Peter: “If you get bitten by a shark, you’re not just gonna give up surfing, are you?!”

“Yeah, probably.”

Not Damar. That’s a brave dude.

He’s not the only player on the comeback trail. Texans wide receiver John Metchie tore his ACL towards the end of his college career, then learned he had leukemia after he was drafted. There was real doubt as to what would become of his football career, but he’s back looking sharp as ever and had this to say:

The lesson? Don’t wait to appreciate doing the things you love worry-free. That’s an incredible gift, and you don’t want to wait until you face incredible adversity to see it. God forbid, by then, it might be too late.

🤸🏿‍♀️ Don’t get it twisted. It’s not just the football players making a comeback. In gymnastics, Simone Biles returned to the mat to claim gold at an event this weekend. Biles famously encountered something called “the twisties” at the last Olympics. Basically, it’s a psychological block where you lose your sense of where you are in the air, making a safe landing near impossible.

What’s the literal opposite of worry-free? I’ll tell ya what: the twisties.

I mean, holy crap that’s terrifying when you make your living flying through the air. But she seems to have conquered them, and now she’s back at the top of the podium.

Incredible.

Excuse us while we go barf at the mere thought of getting the twisties. Our closest encounter? “The spins” after a few too many beverages. That’s bad enough, thank you very much.