Quick Wins

Summer has officially begun! It’s time. Cookouts. Pool days. Beach days. Baseball, spikeball, wiffleball, pickleball. All of the balls. In fact, may we all feature in at least one beach volleyball montage set to a catchy 80s tune. Playing, playing with the boys!

It’s never too late. A UK man, Francis Gyasi, made BBC news this week. With the help of volunteers from The Read Easy charity, Gyasi learned to read at the age of 40. Said Gyasi: “It’s amazing. I’m so proud of myself, it was my dream.” Hell yeah, Francis. You should be proud. Honestly, that guy rocks so hard. Shoutout to Martin Dempsey, the volunteer who worked with Gyasi for 18 months.

Take a lesson from Francis: don’t let fear, embarrassment, or fear of embarrassment keep you from striving for your dreams and seeking a helping hand in doing it. [BBC]

One million meals? Triple it. The United Food Bank in Arizona set out to raise $200,000 last summer to alleviate hunger for those in need. That amount of money is reportedly enough to provide one million meals. They raised over $550,000. If you’re keeping score at home, that’s more than three million meals. Now they’re back with the 2023 campaign. Just $25 helps United Food Bank provide 125 nutritious meals to children and families. What do you say we add a few more meals to the effort?

Hugs for Hannah. Hannah Adams was dealt a tough hand. Diagnosed with stage 3 nephroblastoma, she went through treatment and surgery to become a pediatric cancer survivor. Bad news for cancer: just because Hannah beat it personally didn’t mean she was done unleashing an absolute whooping. With her sister Hailer, she founded Hugs 4 Childhood Cancer to provide care packages and raise money for research. The underlying message: there’s hope for those taking up the fight. The Alabama Department of Public Health agrees - it recently granted $125,000 for the expansion of Hugs 4 Childhood Cancer.

By the time Hannah’s done running up the score on cancer, it’s going to be the worst beatdown since Georgia Tech beat Cumberland 222-0 in 1916.

World’s Best Cup of Coffee. Did you know there’s a World Coffee Championship? Yeah, and featured are the World Barista Championship, the World Brewer’s Cup, and the World Cup Tasters Competition, which I am training for starting now. Here’s how that one works:

Shoutout to Young Baek from Australia for winning this year’s competish. Enjoy it while it lasts, Young - you’re going to feel old when I breeze through next year’s event in record time. I am going to be WIRED for the next 12 months.

Sidenote: let’s advocate for more world championships of awesome-but-obscure things. Like World Championships of Ironically-Named, Monday-Based Newsletters. I feel like I’ve got a shot, and if I can notch the dub there, I might not feel the pressure to have a cardiac episode trying to win the World Cup Tasters Competition.

The name on the front is more important than the one on the back. Usually football club jerseys play host to corporate sponsors like gambling platforms, energy drinks, or airlines. While we sure like to puff our chest out and encourage people to “Fly Emirates” as much as the next guy (which is to say, not very much), we’re more excited about Rotherham United’s shirt sponsor this upcoming season.

Six local businesses contributed funds to ensure Rotherham Hospice would adorn the front of RUFC’s kits. Relying on support to provide the £6 million it needs annually, Rotherham Hospice is dedicated to improving the quality of life for those with terminal illnesses. Massive kudos to those local businesses for very literally putting the true meaning of community into play. Up the Millers!

Why is Rotherham United also known as The Millers? Beats us, but we like to imagine it’s the unlikeliest explanation: they have a huge affinity for Wade Boggs in Rotherham, proudly celebrating the time he apparently drank 107 Miller Lites in one day, including 73 on a single flight. It’s Miller time baby! Might just enjoy a few Boggs Lites while I watch the Millers make a push for Premier League promotion this season.

This Day in History

On June 26th, 1997, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was first released, introducing us to a wizarding world that would provide endless entertainment and wonder for decades to follow. You might be scratching your head. Philosopher’s Stone? I thought it was Sorcerer’s Stone. In the UK, where the book was first published, it’s actually titled Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Leave it to the Brits. Chips vs. fries. Crisps vs. chips. Biscuits vs. cookies. Philosopher vs. sorcerer….apparently.

Anyways, the franchise’s debut on June 26th makes today feel more like Christmas. To that we say: Happy Christmas, Harry. Happy Christmas, Ron.

It’s Merry Christmas, guys. See, there’s another one.

Good Samaritan? Great Samaritan.

You’re not robbing the elderly on Tony Truong’s watch. Nuh-uh, no freaking shot.

Truong was driving in San Gabriel, CA last week when he noticed an older couple being harassed and robbed by a man. He pulled over and interceded, ultimately causing the thief to flee the scene. Yeah, you better step off, bucko.

Shoutout to Tony for saving the day with a swift Mutombo finger wag. Not in Tony’s house. [KTLA]

New World Record!

Push yourself…and others. Running a marathon is hard enough. Imagine pushing a wheelchair 26.2 miles so people with special needs can take part in the race? That’s what Sean McQuaid did at Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth, pushing Riley Pathman the full distance in 2:35.46. That’s the fastest marathon pushing a wheelchair by 14 minutes! It’s also an absolutely incredible time for someone running solo. McQuaid and Pathman are part of Team Hoyt, a nonprofit dedicated to special needs endurance event participation.

And no, Grandma’s Marathon isn’t exclusively for grandmas. That would be hardcore as hell…Nana, Meemaw, and Gammy just doing absolute battle tearing up the roads.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Rocco’s Pizza & Cantina is a staple of the experience for visitors to the College World Series in Omaha. What’s the bar known for? Jell-O Shots. Already, Rocco’s has sold over 70,000 Jell-O Shots this CWS, as college fanbases compete on the leaderboard for most consumption. LSU currently has the lead with more than 46,000 shots.

That’s not the record, though, even though it probably is a record of some sort. Raising Canes Founder & CEO Todd Graves set the Guinness World Record for most shots ordered by a single person, buying 6,000 for the LSU faithful. I’ve heard of buying a round for the bar, but my goodness…

Even better, $1 from each shot is donated to that school’s food bank, while another $0.50 from each shot goes to the food bank in Omaha. Memories made, business booming, money donated. Win, win, win.

Sports, man.

Hold my calls. A year ago, Cordell Tinch was selling cell phones at US Cellular. Now, he’s the fastest man in the world this year in the 110 meter hurdles….and he did it from NCAA Division II. After stints at Minnesota, Kansas, and then Coffeyville Community College, Tinch wasn’t sure if track was for him anymore, leaving school to follow a path trodden by many: becoming a functioning member of society. Then, he learned his former roommates had transferred to run at Pittsburgh State, and he decided to take one more run at, well, running.

That decision is set to pay off handsomely, as Tinch set the collegiate record and world lead on Friday night with a time of 12.96 seconds. Only two men in the world have run faster since 2019. We’re glad he put that that cell phone gig on hold - who needs unlimited data when you have unlimited speed?

He sells cell phones at US Cellular is officially the “She sells sea shells by the sea shore” for a new generation. As for Tinch, in a few weeks, he could very well be at the World Championships in Budapest.

Wherever you are now, you could be somewhere completely different in a year. Somewhere really incredible. Cut to me being lifted onto shoulders, championship belt held aloft with an American flag draped around my shoulders after winning the World Cup Tasters Competition.

Destiny fulfilled. Last week, Happy Gilmore committed to play golf at Ball State. You read that right. Okay, Happy’s legal name isn’t Happy - it’s Landon. Still, he’s embraced the name and delivered on what it promises, playing well enough to earn the chance to golf at the collegiate level. Not since LeBron James has someone achieved such success in the face of such sky-high expectations.

No word on whether he tried to match the fictional Gilmore’s record of being the only guy to ever take his skate off and try to stab somebody. He did, however, receive a message of congratulations from Adam Sandler.

The way I see it, he’s only just begun.

And you know what? We’ve only just begun too. We hope you enjoyed this first edition of Case of the Mondays. If it made your Monday morning that little bit brighter, tell your friends to subscribe too!

Until next week, stay gold, Ponyboy.